Baggage

WARNING: this Who's Your Daddy includes content some readers may consider to be PG-13.

My sister Sandra and I share a guilty pleasure: the television dating show Baggage. Hosted by Jerry Springer, it's half tabloid talk show and half The Dating Game.

The premise is tried and true: a single contestant chooses one person from three contenders with whom to go out on a date, and potentially find romance. Unlike The Dating Game the contestants can see each other and often comment on how attractive the other person is. Instead, each of the three contestants stands next to three pieces of luggage that increase in size, and are opened to reveal correspondingly embarrassing information.

Small bags usually have rather mundane "secrets" ranging from the juvenile to the unpleasant. It may be a large collection of Star War figurines or feeding a dog with the same utensil at the same time the person is using it.

The dater is required to explain what concerns him / her about this particular habit, and often it can be a stretch for them to find the trait concerning. In fact, I'd have chosen one person specifically because of her smallest bag: She was terrified of clowns. Amen, sister!

The middle bag is a blind reveal - I assume to prevent the chooser simply from moving forward the person deemed most attractive. Randomly placed, these bags hold considerably more controversial truths. I've seen everything from someone who makes his date order from a dollar menu to a person who stole celebrity garbage. 

Our dater announces which bag is simply unacceptable and that person is eliminated - often with a hurtful parting comment directed to the other contestants.

In the largest bags people admit to some pretty amazing issues.  And this is what I don't understand. Why in the world would people admit to these things? They can be pretty harmless, of course, like still being in love with an ex, but others are over the top.

One man, who earlier admitted to Skyping with his mom every day - and she was "in the audience" via a lap top - also told the world (and his mom) that he partook in several group sex events. I wondered what the father of a young woman who admitted to having hooked up with an entire rugby team one evening on a dare must have thought.

When at last the contestant has chosen his / her date, the "tables are turned." The person chosen must decide if he / she wants to go on the date at all after seeing the heretofore concealed big bag secret of the person who selected him / her in the first place.

To the show's credit - and a nod to the era in which we live - gay, lesbian and bisexual people, older folks, "cougars," and even "nerds" appear on the show.

But to me it comes back to a single question: Why in the world would someone share this information about themselves with the world? Do family members, neighbors, friends, and coworkers really need to know that  one man insists on dressing up like Superman before being intimate? Do they need to know the circumcisional status of the guy down the street? (And I'm not sure why being uncircumcised is "baggage.")

Three admissions remain my baffling favorites (all from men!):

3. The man who insisted that he could sleep with any woman he wanted, but if his girlfriend slept with another man it was cheating and their relationship was over.

2. The man who kept his foreskin in a safety deposit box - and it gets better: he received it from his mom!

1. The very handsome, very confident guy who admitted that he frequently soiled himself.

Yes, you read that correctly. On national syndicated television this man admitted he crapped his pants with regularity.

But what's more baffling is that among the hundreds of "bags" I've watched be open are the revelations that the owner has remained a virgin or that he or she will not be intimate until marriage or engagement. Really? That's considered a drawback nowadays?

When my kids grow up, I hope I've  imparted in them that physical intimacy is something that one waits to express until you are in love. Beyond discussing ways to avoid unwanted pregnancy and STDs, I don't ever want to know anything about their private, intimate lives. Ever. And I certainly don't want to see it on Baggage!